Wesley Corpus

“But I may deny myself outwardly, and yet be self indulgent; namely, by allowing myself in vain and trifling thoughts. Here is a continual fight, and a hard struggle I must have before I conquer. But when I do overcome, I lose nothing by it; for my soul is delighted with secret refreshments. * At noon, I may find many pleasant things; and of this it was that I said to Mr. Richards, ‘If there are two dishes set before you, by the rule of self denial, you ought to eat of that which you like the least.’ And this rule I desire to observe myself; always to choose what is least pleasing and cheapest; therefore, I feed much upon milk: it is pleasant enough, and nothing I can find is so cheap. Whereas if one sort of food be dearer than another, and yet I use it, because more agreeable to my appetite, this I apprehend is directly contrary to the discipleship of a selfdenying master: and this kind of self indulgence (not in food only) is practised by too many that know the truth. ““T suppose, sir, you now perceive, I do not condemn all pleasure in eating; but I condemn all self indulgence, both in that and other things, particularly in talking. Many who think themselves believers, please themselves with talking more than is profitable. They talk even of the Sep.. 1744.] REV. J. WESLEY’S JOURNAL. 319 things of God, till they bring a deadness, nay, an unaccountable careless ness over their spirits. I don’t say, they laugh or talk idly; but still they are not deeply serious, nor is their conversation truly solid; whereas I should think the conscience of a true believer is tender as the apple of an eye; and that to such a one it would be less pain to pulls the rack, than to trifle, either in word or deed.”