Wesley Corpus

Being a minute part of the whole, let me consider myself alone. Where was I before my parents were born ? In the mind of Him who is all in all. It was God alone that gave me a being amongst the human race. He appointed the country in which I should begin my existence. My parents were also his choice. Their situation in mind, body, and estate was fully known to him. My parents are answerable for my education in infancy. My capacity was from above. That I improved so little was mostly owing to my connexions; but partly to my own inattention or idleness. In most things, whilst an infant, whether good or evil, I was certainly passive; that is, I was instructed or led by others, and so acted right or wrong. In all the incidents of life, whether sickness, health, escapes, crosses, spiritual or temporal advantages or disadvantages, I can trace nothing of myself during my childhood. And till I became a subject to my own will, perhaps I was innocent in the eyes of infinite Justice; for the blood of Jesus Christ certainly cleanseth from all original sin, and presents all spotless, who die free from the guilt of actual transgression. “At what time I became a subject to my own will, I cannot ascertain; but from that time in many things I offended. First, against my parents; next, against God! And that I was preserved from outward evils, was not owing to the purity of my own will; but the grace of Christ preventing and overruling me. “My natural will ever cleaved to evil; and if I had ever any good in me, it came from above. What is called good nature is a divine gift, and not from the corrupt root. My June, 1763.] JOURNAL. 141 will could not produce good, and in various instances it was in a manner annihilated, before grace could fix any good in me. In other words, my will acts from the motions of the old Adam where I transgress; but what is good in me is from the grace of Christ, working whilst my own will is made passive or unresisting. Thus my life has been so far holy, as I gave up my own will, and lived in God, who is all in all.