Wesley Corpus

It will be most satisfactory to the serious reader, to give an account of this in his own words. They run thus: “The 12th of January, in the year 1755, I received the sacrament of the Lord's Supper, though my heart was as hard as a stone. The following day, I felt the tyranny of sin more than ever, and an uncommon coldness in all religious duties. I felt the burden of my corruptions heavier than ever; there was no rest in my flesh. I called upon the Lord, but with such heaviness as made me fear it was lost labour. Many a time did I take up the Bible to seek comfort; but not being able to read, I shut it again. The thoughts which engrossed my mind were these: “I am undone. I have wandered from God more than ever. I have trampled under foot the frequent convictions which God has wrought in my heart. Instead of going straight to Christ, I have wasted my time in fighting against sin by the sole use of the means of grace; as if the means would do me good without the blessing of God. I never had faith; and without faith it is impossible to please God: Therefore all my thoughts, words, and works, however specious before men, are utterly sinful before God. And if I am not changed before I go hence, I am lost to all eternity.’ 2. “When I saw that all my endeavours availed nothing against my conquering sin, I almost gave up all hope, and resolved to sin on and go to hell. Yet I had a strange thought, ‘If I do go to hell, I will praise God there. And since I cannot be a monument of his mercy in heaven, I will be a monument of his justice in hell. But I soon recovered my ground. I thought, ‘Christ died for all; therefore he died for me. He died to pluck such sinners as I am out of the devil's teeth. And as I sincerely desire to be his, he will surely take me to himself. He will surely let me know before I die, that he has died for me.