Wesley Corpus

DEAR MOTHER, -- One advantage at least my degree has given me: I am now at liberty, and shall be in a great measure for some time, to choose my own employment; and as I believe I know my own deficiencies best and which of them are most necessary to be supplied, I hope my time will turn to somewhat better account than when it was not so much in my own disposal. On Saturday next I propose beginning an entirely different life, with relation to the management of my expenses, from what I have hitherto done. I expect then to receive a sum of money, [Probably from his Fellowship, at which time he may have received some allowance. See letter of Dec. 6, 1726.] and intend immediately to call in all my creditors' bills (that they may not grow by lying by, as it sometimes happens), and from that time forward to trust no man, of what sort or trade so ever, so far as to let him trust me. Dear mother, I speak what I know: my being little and weak, whereas had it not been for a strange concurrence of accidents (so called in the language of men) I should very probably have been just the reverse, I can easily account for; 'I can readily trace the wisdom and mercy of Providence in allotting me these imperfections. (Though what if I could not since, while I look through a glass, I can only expect to see darkly.) But here the difficulty was likely to lie: Why would Infinite Goodness permit me to contract an habit of sin, even before I knew it to be sinful, which has been a thorn in my side almost ever since ‘How can I skill of these Thy ways' so well, that I am verily persuaded, had it not been for that sinful habit, I had scarce ever acquired any degree of any virtuous one ['How can I skill of these Thy ways ' is adapted from George Herbert's The Temple, ' Justice.' See Wesley's edition, 1773, P. 19. The poem begins: ‘I cannot skill of these Thy ways,’ and ends ‘I cannot skill of these my ways.’] Is not this the finger of God Surely none else could have extracted so much good from evil! surely it was mercy not to hear my prayer!