Wesley Corpus

“Rev. Sir,--The first sight of you, at Wakefield, sunk my proud spirits; and I believe had I not gone up stairs, to harden my heart against the truth, what you said would have made a deeper impression upon me. I often afterward thought, ‘ These things are true; but why does nobody understand them, but my husband and Frank Scot?’ Then the rich clave to me, and advised me to use my husband ill, and see if that. would not drive him from this way. And sometimes I used fair means. But this was dangerous; for then he could speak freely to me, and I found it stole upon me. But I took great care, he should not perceive it, lest he should follow on, and make me like himself. Then I went to the vicar, who said, my husband was mad, and there were no such things as he pretended to. Hereby my heart was hardened more and more, till I resolved to go away and leave him: so J told him; which made him weep much, and strive to show me the wickedness of my resolution. However, by the advice of my old friend, the vicar, I got over that doubt, took about sixty pounds of my husband’s money, and fixed the time of my privately setting out for London. But God prevented me; for I found myself with child: so that design was at an end. “ Soon after, as few in Wakefield would employ my husband, he was obliged to remove to Leeds. What I now feared was, that they of the society would come and talk to me. But I soon forced them away, I was so sharp and abusive to any that came. Yet my heart began to soften; and when [spoke things of them which I thought were false, J was after ward checked in my own mind. I began to like that my husband should overcome, when talking to gainsayers. I went more to church and sacrament; and the time you was here before, when my husband said you should come and sce me, it pleased me much, though I hid it from him; 358 REV. J. WESLEY’S JOURNAL. [Nov. 1745