Wesley Corpus

“J have long been ina kind of dead and lifeless state, having lost those pleasing tastes of God’s love I once enjoyed. J have not been able to find any delight in prayer; nor could I pray from my heart. If I forced myself to pray, (for it was a grievous cross,) shame covered my face, and I durst scarce lift up my eyes, conscious of my own unfaithfulness to God, and my negligence in watching. All intercourse was stopped between God and my soul. Indeed, when I have been praying with or speaking to others, I have often found the Spirit of God enlivening my own soul; but when I came before God in secret, intending to pour out my complaint before him, my mouth hath been stopped, and the devil presently whispered, ‘ What profit is it that you pray If I persevered notwithstanding, my mind has been filled with a thousand impertinent thoughts, so that I was either forced from my knees, or could only sigh or groan underneath my misery: my heart seemed harder and harder, so that I verily thought I should at length become a castaway. ** But, blessed be God, I have for some time found a revival of love, and have had more communion with God than for a long season. O may it be my constant care to watch and pray; the neglect of which was the Journal I.--22 Nias Tope vie! 334 REV. J. WESLEY'S JOURNAL. [May, 1745 -- chief cause of my former deadness. The levity and inconstancy of mind which used to oppress me, I find greatly taken away; and, at present, (God grant it may always continue,) the remembrance of thern i is griev ous to me. I often find great sweetness in my soul, and can weep for my past ingratitude to God. O pray for me, dear sir, if you love me, that I may never more resist his grace! “T cannot tell you how much I think myself obliged to you, under God, for all your care, reproofs, and kindnesses. May God reward you! and may I never, never make an ill use of them ; but love and reverence you, and praise God for his love, in making you a happy instrument of good to my soul. “'THo. Meyrick.”