Wesley Corpus

Oxford, which I did at Whitsuntide, 1742. But here I soon lost both power and form. I saw many places, was much in company, and grew more dead to the things of God, every day than other. I was truly glad to see London again; and the very first night began to consider, how I might recover my peace. But before I had executed any thing, I was seized with a fever. I looked up to God; but all was dark. With the trouble both of my body and mind, I really thought I should have gone distracted. Yet I was too self righteous to beg for mere mercy. All my cry was, ‘ Lord, give me health; and I will obey thee.’ “God did give me health; and I was more diligent than ever in going to church and sacrament; insomuch that on a week day, I have gone four or five times to churchinaday. Yet sin was my master; although every time I fell into it I was condemned exceedingly. I began now to see, that my laughter and jesting were wrong. But I thought, if I left them, my friends would cast me off. SoI went on sinning against light, and never finding peace for one whole day together. “One day, being in great trouble of mind, and thinking, Where shall I find a man who lives up to the rules given by Kempis? It came strongly into my mind, ‘Go to the Foundery.’ Immediately I went, but with fear and trembling. Here I continued a constant hearer for above two months, before I spoke to one person belonging to it; which I purposely abstained from, that I might the more exactly observe the whole behaviour, both of yourself and those that heard you. And the more closely I examined, the more-clearly I was convinced, These are the men I have been seeking so long.