Wesley Corpus

“My friends affirm I am mad, because I said I was not a Christian a year ago. I affirm, I am not a Christian now. Indeed, what I might have been I know not, had I been faithful to the grace then given, when expecting nothing less, I received such a sense of the forgiveness of my sins, as till thenI never knew. But that Iam not a Christian at this day, I as assuredly know, as that Jesus is the Christ. For a Christian is one who has the fruits of the Spirit of Christ, which (to mention no more) are love, peace, joy. But these Ihave not. I have not any love of God. I do not love either the Father or the Son. Do you ask, how doI know whether I love God, I answer by another question, ‘ How do you know, whether you love me?? Why, as you know, whether you are hot or cold. You feel’ this moment, that you do or do notlove me. And I feel this moment, I do not love God; which therefore I know, because I feel it. There is no word more proper, more clear, or more strong. “ And I know it also by St. John’s plain rule, ‘If any man love the lls REV. Js WESLEY’S JOURNAL. [Jan. 1739. world, the love of the Father is not in him. For I love the world. I desire the things of the world, some or other of them, and have done all my life. I have always placed some part of my happiness in some or other of the things that are seen. Particularly in meat and drink, and in the company of those I loved. For many years I have been, yea, and still am, hankering after a happiness, in loving, and ‘being loved by one or another. And in these I have ‘from time to time taken more pleasure than in God. Again, joy in the Holy Ghost I have not. I have now and then some starts of joy in God: but it is not that joy. For it is not abiding. Neither is it greater than I have had on some worldly occasions. So that I can in no wise be said to ‘ rejoice evermore ;’ much less to ‘ rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of glory.’