Wesley Corpus

the Gospel. During this whole struggle between nature and grace, which had now continued above ten years, I had many remarkable -eturns to prayer; especially when I was in trouble: I had many sensible comforts ; which are indeed no other than short anticipations of the life of faith. But I was still ‘ under the Law,” not ‘“ under grace :” (the state most who are called Christians are content to live and die in :) for I was only striving with, not treed from, sin: neither had I the witness of the Spirit with my spirit, and indeed could not ; for I “ sought ‘it not by faith, but, as it were, by the works of the Law.” 11. In my return to England, January, 1738, being in imminent danger of death, and very uneasy on that account, I was strongly convinced that the cause of that uneasiness was unbelief; and that the gaining a true, living faith, was the “one thing needful” for me. But still I fixed not this faith on its right object: I meant only faith in God, not faith in or through Christ. Again, I knew not that I was wholly void of this faith; but only thought, I had not enough of it. So that when Peter Bohler, whom God prepared for me as soon as I came to London, affirmed of true faith in Christ, (which is but one,) that it had these two fruits inseparably attending it, “« Dominion over sin, and constant peace from a sense of forgiveness,” I was quite amazed, and looked upon it as a new Gospel. If this was so, it was clear I had not faith. But Iwas not willing to be convinced of this. Therefore, I disputed with all my might, and laboured to prove that faith might be where these were not ; especially where the sense of forgiveness was not: for, all the Scriptures relating to this, I had been long since taught to construe away ; and to call all Presbyterians who spoke otherwise. Besides, I well saw, no one could, in the nature of things, have such a sense of forgiveness, and not feel it. ButI felt it not. If then there was no faith without this, all my pretensions to faith dropped at once.