Wesley Corpus

Jan. 1769.] JOURNAL, 851 A month or two ago, when she was first taken ill, she dictated the following letter: “DEAR AND REv. S1R, “WHEN I first heard the Gospel from you, I was convinced of sin, and nothing could satisfy me but a sense of pardoning love. For a month the garment of weeping was put upon me night and day; till one day, as I was repeating those words, I trust in Him that stands between The Father's wrath and me; Jesus, thou great eternal mean, I look for all from thee! I was struck down to the ground, and felt the arm of the Lord revealed in me: I knew that God was reconciled; I felt sanctification begun. The fight of faith ensued; and for three quarters of a year I was struggling with my own will. Sometimes I was in an agony; I was ready to weep my life away, fearing the sins I felt in my heart would never be done away. Yet I believed there was a rest for the people of God; a rest from all sin. One day, conversing with one about the things of God, he said, ‘You would have all things become new, before you believe. But that is not the way. You must believe first.’ When he went away, the Spirit of prayer and supplication rested upon me. Yet I felt “bound down with twice ten thousand ties.” However, I wrestled on, till the Lord broke in upon my soul like the sun in his glory. He loosed me at once from all my bonds, and I knew I loved him with all my heart. Jesus appeared with hair as white as wool, and garments down to his feet, and gave me to sit with him in heavenly places. And from that time (which is seven or eight and twenty years ago) I have felt no temper contrary to love. I have no desire contrary to the will of God. On this bed of sickness I have communion with the church triumphant. I know that Jesus is my brother now, And God is all my own. When the tempter comes, my soul cleaves to Jesus, and I am kept in perfect peace.