Wesley Corpus

Thus my life has been so far holy, as I gave up my own will, and lived in God, who is all in all. “From the time I could sin, I trace the divine goodness in preserving me from innumerable evils, into which my own will would have led me. The unknown temptations and evils perhaps are infinitely more numerous than the known. If my will was only not resisting, when I received or did any good, how little was it concerned in my conviction, my conversion, my peace, and the sphere of life I engaged in after receiving such divine blessings? My concern about my soul’s welfare, the time of my conversion, the Ministers raised up to be the instruments of it, the place of my first hearing the Gospel, and various other circumstances, that instrumentally brought about those great and blessed events in my life, were no more from any thing in myself, than my birth and education. Rather, my will was overpowered, and grace triumphed over it. “From these reflections I conclude, that whatever blessings I have enjoyed as to parents, country, education, employ ments, conversion, connexions in life, or any exterior or interior circumstance,--all came from God, who is all in all! And whatever in my past life is matter of repentance and lamentation has arose chiefly from my corrupt will, though partly from a defective judgment ever prone to err ! So that, upon the whole, I have great cause to be thankful that God has been so much the all in all of my life; at the same time I must bewail that I ever followed my own corrupt will in any thing. “My present state of life I believe is from God. In a bad state of health, out of employment, and retired from all engage ments in the world, I use the means for my recovery, and it is not from any evil principle that I am a cipher: But I cannot yet obtain health, business, or a sphere of usefulness. Nor can I ascertain how far I am culpable as to being what I am. My present duty is, submission to the divine will. I study for improvement, and pray for such blessings as I want. Is not God all in all as to my present state?